Have you ever attended an equine event and witnessed something between a horse and her human that just didn’t seem right?
Even if a horse appears to be obedient, there may still be those subtle signs of unhappiness she exhibits that are typically overlooked.
For example, maybe the spark in the horse’s eye is gone and she has a dull, depressed energy about her. There may be a feeling of fear that radiates through her body, exhibiting tension. Maybe she swishes her tail while riding or pins her ears.
Some horses may decide to cow kick at you or buck you off out of fear or discomfort. Others simply shutdown, appearing obedient.
As you can imagine, the signs can be subtle or obvious.
These signs of unhappiness are not because they’re being disobedient, it’s usually because they simply don’t think much of you or humans as a whole.
Horses are masters at communicating if we just listen to them. Many times we’re too busy to listen.
We may be preoccupied with life’s daily challenges or maybe the main thing on our mind is that next big show or race. Being excited about participating in your chosen discipline is human nature, but how does your horse feel about it?
Does she like her discipline?
You may be wondering if horses really have an opinion – yes they do. They have an opinion about everything, just like you do. They’re also thinking, feeling beings who have a spirit to boot.
A Horse’s Behavior
Why would our equine companion exhibit various signs that we may either overlook or consider undesirable?
Before I started studying and digging deep into equine behavior and psychology, I would usually label undesirable traits in my horse as “training issues.” However, I now understand it runs deeper than mere training issues or using the proper technique.
It first starts with how that horse feels about you.
In the beginning when you first meet a horse, she will think of you differently depending on her experiences or lack of experience with people.
It’s not much different than you meeting someone new for the first time. Are you going to trust them enough to ask them to baby sit your first born that very day? I doubt it. More than likely you will get to know them first.
Over time, you build trust, rapport and respect with each other. That doesn’t happen in the first meeting. It happens over time depending on the circumstances.
With horses, all that applies as well except we have another factor to consider. They’re horses. This means, if you study horse behavior, you’ll come to find that they’re much different than us.
They have a structured social order based on relative dominance, but it includes a deep understanding built on trust and respect. This equation also includes love – yes, horses do express love for one another.
This intelligent order in the nature of the horse produces a balance that we attempt to imitate but usually fall short of.
Why is that? Why do we fall short?
Humans have different priorities in their lives than horses do. Humans want to win that next race or big futurity no matter what the sacrifice. However, horses have simple needs. They want to be safe and comfortable.
Is Your Relationship with Your Horse a Priority?
In order to win your horse’s heart, it’s important that you reflect upon your principles, meaning, you ask yourself what are your foundational beliefs when it comes to your horse’s well-being.
That doesn’t mean only making sure they have enough water, food, etc. It goes far beyond that.
In order to win your horse’s heart, you have to understand her from her point of view. In other words, you have to understand horse behavior at a deeper level.
This is not about training, the most popular technique or following a particular equine clinician – it’s about understanding how horses tick.
Understanding how they tick is one thing. How you use that knowledge is another.
Nature has a built-in wisdom in every single detail of her creation, including us. We belong to the wisdom of nature; nature does not belong to us.” ~ Caroline Myss
This is where you once again have to ask yourself, “What are my principles?”
Do you use this knowledge to create a robot or an obedient horse who no longer has that special look in her eye that she once did as a young horse? Or do you strive to seek that deep level of connection with horses that doesn’t harness their spirit or take away their dignity?
Something I’ve learned over the years with horses that no one could ever tell me until I experienced it and put it into practice is:
It’s the little things that matter to a horse.” ~ Ronnie Willis
I believe this is the golden nugget of information that enables me to build deeper levels of communication and understanding with horses.
It helps me to quickly build rapport, trust and a deeper level of connection. I use this principle each and every time I’m around a horse.
I take this principle seriously and don’t take it for granted.
Notice, it’s not a training technique. It’s about building and deepening your relationship with your horse.
So, what do you think are those “little things” that matter to your horse?
Share them with me and share this article with your friends to let them know that you support the principle of putting your horse’s noble nature first!
Keep it soulful,
Stephanie Krahl
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Photo: Stephanie’s equine partner, Ransom
Timely post for me. I’ve always had a good relationship with my horse (really!) and have put plenty of thought into it. But I recently had some small epiphanies that made me see that some of the things I was insisting on really didn’t make sense to him, as a horse. I made some small changes, looked at things from his point of view and suddenly I have a horse who wants to communicate with me and wants to really be with me.
You really have to look at what you’re doing from the horse’s perspective and whether it makes sense to him. It’s not easy, because it really involves a major shift in how we think.
Hi Pia,
You touched on an excellent point. When we decide to override those human thought patterns that don’t make sense to the horse, it’s been my experience that you’ll see a drastic change in behavior and willingness. Something important to note, you can’t “fake it” with a horse. They somehow know what’s truly in your heart.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience,
Stephanie
*when you have hands that close slowly and open quickly,
*when you know where all their itchy spots are
*not caring how long its going to take so it takes less time next time
*always offering a way ‘out’ (of the pressure)
*being the ambassador or YES
*encouraging their curiosity
*playing friendly games to desensitize
*zero brace
*knowing where to be, when to be, why to be and what to do when you get there
Hi Michelle,
Excellent list! I’ve noticed that with each horse I’ve come in contact with, their favorite scratchy spots vary… a good example of horses being individuals and the importance of treating them as such. 🙂
Thanks,
Stephanie
A wonderful quotation from C. Myss. “…We belong to the wisdom of nature…” A compelling insight.
I also find it very thought provoking (seriously) to discover that each horse has different spots that itch!
Stephanie I don’t know if you realize how many superb metaphors your writing provides for our human condition. It happens of course because you have entered so deeply into the nature of the horse. There is a connectivity in all of nature, I believe, and truth is a constant throughout.
Hi gt,
What’s interesting to me is the power of synchronicity. I received Caroline Myss’ newsletter the very day I was writing this article. In her newsletter she wrote a piece titled The Profound Order of Nature. I quoted her from that because it was so inline with my beliefs and was perfect timing for this article. What a wonderful compliment to say that I’ve “entered so deeply into the nature of the horse.” 🙂
Take care,
Stephanie
Stephanie,
I love this article! I have begun to experience the fruit of enjoying this type of relationship as it is blossoming. I have made the conscious decision to maintain all activities in as fun as possible way. As we engage in this play, my mare gets more and more vocal and expressive and not only offers to try but tries a variety of “tricks” to out guess me. It has become a challenge to be clear enough and consistent enough to refine them. Challenges I love the opportunity to explore further! Your article confirms much of what I feel.
As gt mentioned, I am also intrigued by the metaphors as I have started a journey of combining natural horsemanship and EAP/EAL. I too, loved the quote and thank you both for the opportunity to read further along this line of thought! I look forward to reading Carolyn Myss’ article next and the others mentioned at the bottom of this page.
Thank you for the continued inspiration and information!
Happy trails and continued inspiration to you both!
Martha
Hi Martha,
As you found, validation is not only powerful for us as humans, but it also helps us on our quest to become the best for our horses. I’m glad you loved the article and the continued “inspiration and information.” Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences.
Everyone has different needs (to an extent), desires, personalities, reactions, etc: this is what makes us individuals. To see and understand this on global (all encompassing) or individual occurance is vitally important. Human or animal, it doesn’t matter. When we stop thinking of animals as being lower than us, our relationships will improve exponentially.
Teaching students with special needs, I have come to realize we all have “special needs”, human and animal. The “Golden Rule” of treating others as we, ourselves want to be treated encourages us to really consider how another being may feel and respond to that understanding. When we remember and consider this, in turn, it is amazing how others respond back to us.
Hi Joy,
Fantastic words of wisdom. I’m sure you have so much to share knowing you teach students with special needs. Thank you for taking your time to comment.
~ Stephanie
i am not one that was around horses all my life, but do work and rehab abused canines, having a dog psychology certificate and behavior management cert. i came into horses in my later years and my thing has always been get inside the animals head first before any training begins.
i have had several horses to learn or teach me what they like, but i have a special boy now that is awesome and wonderful to me, i have faith in him for anything i want to do. yet??? no one else seems to be able to ride and connect to him in the same way i do.
this is what i have learned about horses (about the same in some aspect as dogs). “do not get a horse cause of looks, breed, or whatever visual you might fancy”…
go with personality. my own needs is to have affectionate animals, now with horses they are not always affectionate, they may be great horses to ride, or great horses for all kinds of things, and not be much on affections. this is just a me thing, affection a big benefit for both horse and me.
if a person is laid back, then perhaps a more energetic horse, or maybe not? or if a person is hyper, perhaps a more laid back horse.
thats my start in horses or even finding horses for other people (working now in rescue with horses).
like people that like cats, or dogs, or birds, there is a horse that fits that person individually, and in personality too.
i have witnessed many times over the years that right match of personalities is a very awesome bond, and for those that have not bonded tightly with a horse will find it sooner or later with the right personality types put together, like a instant understanding between the two that just seems to work fantastically together and where perhaps others have failed that horse in the past from misunderstanding him.
so many times i have heard experienced people say they have had this horse or that horse, that they train horses or whatever experiences, yet in the same breath say “i have only had one that i really really liked and we could do anything together!” he/she was amazing horse, not like others, etc. why? could it be that the right personalities hitched up finally?? that made it easy for both horse and horse owner?? seems to be the combination i found works great many times over, and with much more success between experienced and inexperienced horse people.
having two horses myself right now. one is like a cat, he will get some attentions and then prefer to be left alone, but he rides like dream and is trusted with anyone on him. my other horse is green, yet i can ask him do things that most people would take days to train him to do, but his willing with me no matter what, even if its just a sloppy try at it. this horse i have a strong bond, trust and a great deal of affection from. the more affection and encouragements he gets the harder he tries for me. just a good match of personalities for us both. my other horse does as he is told, but his training has been on obedience and precisions for showing. he does his job and does it well, but could care less if you praise him or not, he could careless if you are affectionate with him, if you do show attentions to him, its fine, if don’t fine. that is him.
what is cool on this horse is that he will compensate a beginner rider, as he knows exactly what to do even if the rider does it wrong. this may be the perfect horse for someone out there and how they like a horse to be, but he is not really as human/horse interactive as i like my horses to be, so to me good ride, but not alot of bond there, ok we have trust with each other, but that is about it. i find that bonding aspects between people and horse is all about the feel and both needs being met at the same time, with understanding of both involved/horse and owner. yes one can train horses to do anything. but they can’t train them to like their owners no matter what one does.
Hi Dee,
You’ve touched on many great points when it comes to relationships with horses. As you pointed out, although someone can be great with horses, the question is what is really felt between the two? I’ve also heard of great horsemen saying that you’re darn lucky if you come across that one special horse in a lifetime. And it’s a miracle if you come across more than one.
That doesn’t mean you can’t bond at some level with other horses, but I know what you mean about that special bond. I have it with my young horse. He’s also not the type to do just anything for anyone. His Horsenality is one that can be considered more challenging, but as Forrest Gump would say, Ransom and I go “together like peas and carrots.” 🙂
Thank you for sharing your observations. I love what you said at the end of your comment: “Yes one can train horses to do anything. But they can’t train them to like their owners no matter what one does.” – Classic!
This topic has recently come to the forefront for me. But I feel I’m not making any ground. The last few years has been a journey for me and I’m really trying. I’ve taken him barefoot, with more success more recently, though his feet are severely contracted. I’m hoping this is not entirely my fault he’s an off the track thoroughbred and was probably shod @ 1-2 years of age. I wish I had known 10 years ago, but I just didn’t. I’ve also bought him a Balance saddle from England to relieve any saddle issues. And I’ve invested in a Bitless Bridle. I’m trying to correct any of my issues as far as position with riding, but my horse doesn’t fully trust me yet. he doesn’t look forward to me riding him or working with him on the ground. He is very happy going out in pasture with his buddy.
Do you have any suggestions. How can I deepen my relationship? He’s 28 and looking pretty good, but we have many movement issues. These seem to be slowly getting better. I have no trainer to seek for help. So I’m trying to do most of this on my own. How can I get him to want to be with me again.
Hi Jen,
What you’ve described is exactly what we all encounter as part of the journey with horses. It’s not an easy one. As a horse guardian, I can attest to going through similar challenges as you’ve described.
You’ve brought up multiple areas that I see we could focus on for you, each independent of the other, but collectively their solutions can help address the whole situation. By breaking it down into individual components, it feels less overwhelming. The answers to your questions are too involved to discuss in a comments area. Feel free to get in touch with me through our contact page. I look forward to hearing from you. ~ Stephanie
Stephanie – you consistently write good blogs. Really enjoy reading them.
Brett
Parelli Central
Hi Brett,
Thanks for stopping by again and for your kind compliment on my writing. I’m glad you’re enjoying the articles. 🙂
Take care, Stephanie
Stephanie,
Two years ago, I purchased an Off-The-Track-Thoroughbred, a gelding that had only been placed once and was ‘discharged’ to new owners, who retrained him in the English discipline. This trainer had worked with him in natural horsemanship, and he basically lunged by listening to her voice. We moved him to a hunter-jumper facility where he now boards (owned by a veterinarian). He is now seven, training in hunter hack, and is a good, generally quiet horse to ride, although with a mild stifle injury (from racing days) he prefers trotting for the most part.
At first he did not listen to me (I am 60, have been riding for three years, and was too soft with him). I love him deeply, but had to learn a little tough love; my trainer also works with him weekly. Until a few months ago, I would have problems moving him (on the halter) and even getting him to transition while riding. Lately, he is obeying everything I ask for.
I spend plenty of time on non-riding and riding days, bonding with him, doing massage, withers rubs, using linament on his legs, gently washing his face with a warm, soft cloth, talking with him and even sitting with him and singing him songs. I have been amazed at the reaction.
When I enter the pasture, I will walk partially toward him, but then stop and quietly and calmly wait for him to come to me. Now, he always comes over and stretches out his nose toward me. When I walk forward, he will walk with me (without the lead); if I stop, he will stop. I used to have problems putting him back in the pasture (he didn’t want me to leave, I suppose). He would refuse to move and I would have to circle him a few times. We must learn the language, too: I realized that I really didn’t want to put him back into the pasture myself — and he read this.
I have discovered that they can read you like a book, so you must always project that confidence and movement that says, “I mean it and now!” Now, when I say, “Walk on,” and I walk with my head up and purposefully, he follows. If he should hesitate for a moment, I keep looking forward to where I want him to go, and lightly hold the lead, but keep firm in my resolve: “Walk on.” This is very important, but I had to figure it out myself.
It always breaks my heart to leave him. Now, when I take him back to the pasture and remove the halter, he doesn’t walk away or pull away when I am trying to take the halter off. He understands that I have to go but that I don’t want to leave him. He stands quietly beside or in front of me until I say — “Go on…go and be a horse!” Before I leave, I always, always tell him how much I love him.
Then, he quietly leaves my space and returns to the herd. I believe you can’t force people to learn how to handle horses. We have to figure it out ourselves, study books and articles, and more than anything, study our own horses.
What makes him happy? Just being together. He loves just hanging out. I will tell him (on training days), “Come on, let’s get the work over first!” He does his little job for 45 minutes and then he’s so happy to know it’s grooming, bonding and treat time, and that we can just be together, hand grazing or whatever. It took time to know each other. You can’t rush it, either.
Now, we are doing some equitation and very light hunter hack (only low poles, due to his UFP), but he likes little obstacle courses and enjoys being in the arena with other riders and horses. Being an ex-racehorese, he especially likes to have a ground person, and that helps him to stay calm and relaxed.
I am now trying to consider what he really likes to do best. I believe just going for a gentle walk on the farm, and trotting cavalletti are his favorite pastimes. I don’t think he cares for very hard work. He’s just happy as he is — being a pleasure horse and getting plenty of love and good care. And that’s fine with me.
I hope other readers will spend abundant amounts of time with their horses, give them plenty of love and attention and find out what their equine companions really love to do. Isn’t that the essence of the human-equine relationship?
I very much enjoyed your article. Always teach with love and respect, never force.
Your horse will love you forever.
Hi Nuala,
Thank you for taking the time to share such a beautiful story about your relationship with your equine partner. All I can say is that it’s a process, and that it’s important to enjoy the journey! 🙂 If you liked this article, you may also enjoy this one: How to Deepen Your Relationship with Your Horse